Speaking Love

I recently read a book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Very thought-provoking book. I was familiar with his ideas from other sources, but found the book worth reading all the way through. Today I decided to summarize the main points of the book that I jotted down as I read it.

Mr Chapman comments that after the initial "in-love experience" couples must "pursue 'real love' with (their) spouse." "That kind of love is emotional in nature but not obsessional. It is a love that unites reason and emotion. It involves an act of will and requires discipline, and it recognizes the need for personal growth." He then suggests that loving someone requires us to "speak their primary love language." He then identifies five different love languages as described below:

Words of Affirmation
compliments, appreciation, encouragement, forgiveness, requests and not demands
to spouse, about spouse
verbal, written

Quality Time
"togetherness with focused attention"
conversation: uninterrupted, intimate, sympathetic listening, self-revelation, eye contact
activities: create memories, participate in each others interests
1-at least one spouse wants to do it
2-the other spouse is willing to do it
3-you do it to show love

Receiving Gifts
"Gifts are visual symbols of love"
symbol of the thought "I am thinking of you" expressed in action of securing and giving gift
"a gift is something you can hold in your hand" or
gift of self--being there, your presence (your body) becomes gift

Acts of Service
helping, doing things for, "crossing things off the list"
like Jesus washing disciples' feet
"Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love."

Physical Touch
emotional love, "loving touch", hugs, kisses, sex, massage, physical affection
frequent, spontaneous or planned, regular, intimate, familiar
"reach out and touch"

Just like spoken language, we all have a love language--a language that speaks love to us. We must identify our partner's love language and learn how to speak it for them to truly receive and understand the depth of our love for them. Though we may appreciate expressions of love in all five languages, most people have one primary love language. A few are bilingual.

A few parting thoughts from Chapman's book:

"What we do for each other before marriage is no indication of what we will do after marriage."

"Love is a choice and cannot be coerced."

"People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need."

"Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself."

To love you must "invest time, energy and effort."

"True love always liberates."

Good read. Worth the time.

I've got Seth figured out and will continue to speak his love language so he can understand how much I love him. To love him is a choice I made a long time ago and continue to make every day! He's definitely worth my time, energy and effort!